The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
