Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is Oprah even human
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
