I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
