Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
