Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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