Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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