my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
