Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
