Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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