it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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