Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
