She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
