I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
