we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
