It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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