No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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