I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
