If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Everything about him screamed your future.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
