I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All the doctor said was why
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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