I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
