MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
