My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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