Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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