i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
