Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
