I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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