i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
