I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
