you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Vodka?
Forever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
