Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize