Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Pooping to opera.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
