taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize