the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
