I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you had me at cake vodka
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
