good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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