don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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