So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
