ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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