Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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