Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
