508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
