everyone is single if you try hard enough
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
