you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
