is your mom at the bar?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Come on in and take your pants off
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