he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
