Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
