Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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