How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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