APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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