i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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