tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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