I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize