Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
