Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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