I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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