what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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