We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
