got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
