Do you still have your period?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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