She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
