A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My feet surprised me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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