dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
