last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
