are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how does that bad decision feel?
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