I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
