Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
