I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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