apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
