Your dad touched me again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
