I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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