Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
