Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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