He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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