he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
jump out the window naked night went bad
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
