Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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