So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
