but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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