so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
