Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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